Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
