he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
