And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Enjoy the penises
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
