all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
