Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My feet surprised me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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