people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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