woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
