i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
