I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize