I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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