Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize