I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
