fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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