I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The ass gains better be worth it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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