I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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