you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
