I'm sorry my penis didn't work
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
