I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
