someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
