It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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