Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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