Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
