do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
