I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
