I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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