do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize