I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
