I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize