the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
