Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
