He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
do herpes really smell.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
