dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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