My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
