Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
