So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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