I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
