Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my sisters under your porch take her home
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
