I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
