Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
