Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
