Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
