Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Couch. On fire.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
