Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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