Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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