Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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