lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My liver just broke up with me...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
