so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
