I like to think it a success when the cops are called
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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