i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
