dude i'm inner monologue high
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
