You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
