I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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