Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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