When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I currently don't understand fingers.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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