Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
