you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
