I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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