When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
