I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
