im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
