Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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