he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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