My cat gives me a boner
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
