I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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